Picture the scene.

You are on the bus on the way to Mivtzoim minding your own business, when something crawling catches your eye.

Stifling the urge to shriek, you recoil at the sight of a large cockroach crawling along the floor way to close for comfort.

But the nightmare doesn’t stop there, because you watch with horror as this bug begins to approach you, inching its way closer and closer and closer.

Your eyes dart back and forth, looking for a place to run, for a way to fend off this creature without creating a scene.

But you can’t find any.

And so you resign yourself to the inevitable. In your minds you have the full vision. As soon as the cockroach will get to a specific location, you will lift your shoe ever so slightly, and slowly bring it down on this bugs head.

Your minds eye already hears the crunch sound that the roaches meeting with your shoe will bring.

But just as you are about to do the deed, a large hand comes down on the floor, gently lifting the large size bug.

You look up, curious to see the face of this saviour.

But quickly your surprise turns to horror, as you see this gentleman, slowly take this eight legged bug, bring it to his lips, open his mouth… and eat it.

Crunch.

If you are like me, this entire scene is a nightmare.

But the last part, is truly disgusting.

Why?

Wait, stop, whist you let the question sink in.

Why were you disgusted by this fellow?

Can you explain to me why eating cockroach is revolting?

If you are like most people, you may be surprised to discover that it will be hard to explain the reason for your feeling of repulse.

You are right to be disgusted. But the disgust is innate. If you do find the ‘Oisiyos’ to explain the reason – they will still be only an excuse for explaining your inner feeling.

What will surprise you more may be when I tell you that actually

Most of how we feel are the results of an inner feeling, rather than the intellectual results of unbiased opinion.

Our “reasoning” is merely the excuse of our minds to justify our feelings.

Actually, your neighbour who has by now finished chewing on his treat, may have a hard time understanding why you wouldn’t eat this free delicacy crawling around on the bus.

And who knows, if he is logical and articulate, he could probably explain to you why eating bugs is no different than eating meat…

***

Describe “Nothing”

Can you?

Impossible.

Nothing cannot be described. It cannot even be imagined. It is not an entity and is not – not an entity. It is no-thing.

Now try and imagine nothing and everything, in existence and nonexistence, together and separate.

Can you?

Of course not.

The essence – called ‘Atzmus’, is so removed from the possibility of explanation that the Rabeim very rarely expounded on it in Chassidus.

But, whilst it’s true that in realm of description or understanding, even the term impossible is an understatement. The Rebbe taught us that in another way Atzmus is actually closer than we think.

That is by doing Mitzvos.

Because “Ma’ase Hamitzvos” – the physical action of the Mitzvos is Atzmus itself.

The reason for this, in the words of Chassidus, is because: רצון מושרש בעצמות – a desire doesn’t come from understanding.

Not at all; true desire is innate.

Rotzon Hahsem – His will that we do Mitzvos, thereby making a Dira Betachtonim; the source of that will, is in Atzmus itself.

So whilst the physical Tefillin you hold in your hands have gone through concealment upon concealment, the physical act of putting on Teffilin never did go through this process of Tzimtzum.

Because the Teffilin are only the physical matter that help the Mitzva happen. Putting on the Teffilin is the actual desire.

In other words, the physical act of doing Mitzvos began in the essence and remain in the essence.

It is in this way, that relating to Atzmus is more tangible than we think. Because, though impossible to understand, it is the level to which it is actually easiest to connect.

***

The feeling of holiness is one of those things that is so hard to describe, yet so clear when felt.

Even today walking the streets of the old city of Tzefas, it is impossible to ignore the holiness that emanates from within.

But if that is the case today, imagine the feeling of holiness that must have been felt 500 years ago. When the Tzadikim that lived there were of a stature almost impossible to imagine today. When the “regular people” that walked there were less corrupted by the distractions of today.

Imagine the holiness that must have been felt late Shevuos night, as the Shuls began to fill up. Yisroel Am Kedoshim, their Seforim in hand, preparing for Kabolas Hotorah.

In one of those Shuls, sat a group of ten people.

But this was no ordinary Minyan. A group of this stature would possibly not be seen again until the Baal Shem Tov sat with his holy Talmidim.

Yes, under the glow of fifteen candles which cast shadows on the light blue walls, sat Maran R’ Yosef Karo, surrounded by the Tzadikim Kedoshei Elyon of the time. Mekubalim like R Shloma Alkabetz and R Moshe Alshich sat silent on the padded benches, as Rav Yosef taught Torah.

But as the clock struck Chatzos, Rav Yosef stopped talking. As a voice begins to emanate from his mouth.

A voice clear and sweet, that grew louder as time progressed.

They knew this voice as the “Magid”. The Malach that appears from time to time and speaks through the mouth of this holiest of people.

Trembling, the Talmidim fell face down on the floor while this voice began to recite the beginning and end of every Parsha, plus some other parts in the middle. Continued by saying the beginning and end of the remaining nineteen Seforim of Nach, following which it moved on to Mishnayos, parts of the Zohar and the Mitzvos.

It said the entirety of what we know today as ‘Tikun Leil Shavuos’.

***

Since then, each year on Shevuos night we too say this same Tikun that the Magid said all those years ago.

Why specifically this?

I don’t know.

To the best of my knowledge I don’t think there is an explanation anywhere.

But that is irrelevant.

Not understanding why this specifically, doesn’t mean that we can’t tap in to its awesome power.

On the contrary, doing something without understanding why, is a testament to the focus on the real importance of action – the action itself.

Because it is the “action” the “doing” that is of paramount importance.

Can there be a better preparation the night before Kabolas Hatorah, than repeating this Tikun as set forth by the ‘Magid’, itself a statement to the lack of depth in our understanding.

In a sense one could say, that our willingness to accept the dictation of the Magid, is our declaration of Na’ase Venishma.

Our willingness to do because we know it is right, rather than do because we understand it is right.

PS: Whilst I accept this isn’t something to do for two full weeks. At times it is ok to continue all we have been doing up until now, and prepare ourselves properly for one holy evening.